One ongoing dialogue we women have with one another is the gentle reminder to be open to receiving support from others, that we are worth it and as much as we give, we too, need to be given to. We marvel at how this simple act proves to be so difficult when one is stuck in the “give and support” role. Receiving feels awkward and, for some reason, not entirely real or deserved. Plus, we have this uncanny illusion of “debt” that will keep us from receiving as long as we don’t “owe” anyone else. Not receiving is a selfish act. We forget how good we feel when we give to others when we are faced with accepting another’s gift. Allowing others to give is a crucial act we as mothers must do. It is how we teach others to be giving, (not just by example). We have to allow others to practice this cycle in order to create a healthy community.
The other conversation we have with each other is giving ourselves permission. Permission to say no, permission to rest or indulge. Why this is also so difficult for us always leaves us pondering. “Its not that hard, I know I can do it, I should do it… Ok, I give myself permission to……”
Putting two and two together:
Our permission to ourselves is a gift from ourselves!! We can give permission all day long, but if we can’t receive, our generous act of allowing ourselves isn’t manifested in our hearts, the place where it needs to be real. It stays stuck in our heads, at a logical, rational level, and there it will stay until we learn to lovingly accept support from OURSELVES. We need to participate in the cycle of giving/receiving in order to have a healthy internal community. As we create the cycle without, so too, we can create the cycle within.
One morning I woke to a beautiful sunny day. My body and my mind had instantaneous contradicting ideas. My body said, “I’m still tired, stay home today, rest, it will be good. Let’s make soup.” My mind retorted with much scorn, “How lazy! Its a beautiful day and you know “The Law”, if its nice out, you must go out and enjoy and experience it! Whether you want to or not!” I decided I wanted to listen to my body: I gave myself permission to stay home, but I still had that nagging voice telling me I was being lazy and doing something wrong.
After an hour of going over and over it, “I gave myself permission… I gave myself permission….. why do I still feel so frustrated!” I realized………..
“I wholly accept the gift of my permission, with loving gratitude.” I had completed the cycle. And since I had fully received my gift of permission, I fully experienced a restful, recuperative day with myself: I healed. Now that’s productive! 